A fear that lingers in the back of all of our minds as we consider starting or are already on a diet; “I don’t want to be “that person” when I’m out with my friends/family”. Changing yourself is challenging no matter how you look at it. You’re going to have a few people, some might even be your closest of friends or even family, who both knowingly or unknowingly make the journey even more challenging. Sometimes these people don’t even realize they are doing it, other times you will ask yourself “why the hell did they just say that…”
No matter how you plan achieve your fitness goals you are likely cutting down on something or cutting something out altogether, such as drinking or eating bar food every night. This is likely going to mean less time with certain people and/or awkward situations. I had a friend tell me just the other day about a situation just like this. These friends have lost a considerable amount of weight and continue to make healthy choices. When out to the bar with some of their closest friends, one of the friends stated “I miss fat Bob…fat Bob was more fun”. (I am using Bob generically here, the person’s name is not really Bob). This is the kind of crap that I am talking about in this post and how you should react to it.
What your friends see
Your friends, especially if they haven’t chosen to get fit yet themselves, can sometimes be a little demeaning to the process whether they realize it or not. Some can even be straight up malicious. Take a step back and try to see things from their perspective for a second. You are likely spending a little less time with them (or more if your friends went out a lot with you or your “thing” was going out to eat/drink). You are at the gym, you are likely cooking most of your meals at home or eating at healthier establishments, you are spending more time working on YOU. There is also more likely a hint of jealousy involved as well (especially if you have noticeable results). They may feel like they have lost an important aspect of your relationship, like pigging out every Sunday while watching the football game. To put the cherry on top, you are harder to host because of any restrictions you might have in your diet (this particular one is where I see the most contention).
What your family sees
Many of the above can also apply to family. The biggest difference is deep rooted traditions can be involved. Suddenly you’re not eating half of mom’s famous apple pie. You’re giving some of them a reason to be jealous as well. You’re also harder to host (as above) due to dietary restrictions. All of a sudden your cousin has to make “Keto meat loaf” instead of their famous mac and cheese, or mom has to use low fat ingredients in her pasta salad. Most of the time, however, your family will not be as difficult as your friends can sometimes be when dieting. Most of the time mom/dad or grandma/grandpa will be proud of your dedication to fitness. Some of your siblings or cousins around your age might feel threatened or jealous, but this can even stimulate healthy competition. Family members are more likely to ask you advice on how to start their own fitness journey when compared friends (just from personal observation).
Your emotions
You will get frustrated with friends and family at times for accidentally (or purposefully) making this journey even slightly more difficult for you. If that friend or family member hasn’t started their own journey to fitness, they don’t understand the stress it can place on you. The last thing you need is someone who doesn’t understand picking apart something that you’ve spent a lot of time working on. You will find you resent comments about how hard you are to cook for or about someone implying you aren’t as fun anymore and this is natural. You will generally find that these comments will slide right off of you as time goes by, and more so once you start to see results.
What you need to remember
You need to remember that you started this journey for a reason. You knew there would be setbacks and tough times ahead. You knew that you would be mentally, physically and emotionally challenged. These offhand comments from friends and family will not make or break you. Most of these people will be coming to you for advice when/if they decide to start their own fitness journey after seeing someone they trust go through it. The jealousy and other emotions will subside as your friends and family get used to the new normal. You need to remember that although they may not seem supportive, they are likely genuinely impressed by your dedication and will power (which is where some jealousy can come into play). You always need to remember that YOU are doing this for YOU. You’re not doing this for your friends or family. You are doing this to better yourself and you can’t expect all of your friends and family to understand this.
Some pointers
I was thankfully blessed with mostly understanding friends and family. There has been times over the many years of my fitness journey that both parties have made comments and I still remember them all. I have used the comments and remarks as fuel to my fitness fire. I just tell myself “they don’t understand, but I do when I see results”. I have been “that guy” that ate his prepared meal prior to going out with friends/family (on many occasions in fact). Over time you find ways to ignore or deflect the inquisitions of friends/family or change the subject. I still get people saying “you’re eating THAT again?! Don’t you get sick of it?” I find myself explaining my diet to interested parties on a weekly basis. All I can say is you need to get used to it, because it doesn’t stop. Even if you stick to the same diet for 10 years you will find yourself talking about it or explaining it more frequently than you realize.
One thing you can do to limit the uninvited negativity is to let yourself have a cheat meal/day every now and then. If you’ve read my other posts, you know the importance of cheat days/meals. Schedule this cheat meal/day for a family get-together, holiday or a night out with friends. This will help limit the social implications of dieting, but not erase them. Try to take comments with a grain of salt. When someone says, “I could never do that” about your diet try to take it as “I don’t have that level of dedication” instead of “your diet is crazy”. It will ramp you up and add to your already impressive dedication. When someone says something like “I liked fat AJ better” find a comical way to shrug it off and change the subject like “Yeah, well my scale didn’t like fat AJ, what are you drinking tonight?” STAY FOCUSED on you and your results. This will negate any negativity over time.
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